From watching Gizmodo’s live blogging coverage from today’s event at Apple’s HQs, it seems that things went a little sideways.  No, there were no technical glitches, or streakers across the stage, but somehow, the usually invincible presenter Steve Jobs struck a sour note with many of the folks in the room.

From the get-go, things weren’t exactly as they could have been.  From what I undertand, Apple rolled the YouTube video The Antennae song as a warm up, just before the press conference began.

If you haven’t seen it, it is yet another video of an average looking white guy bustin’ some hip hop skills, and basically delivering the message that this antennae issue is really no big deal, and if you don’t like the iPhone 4, don’t buy it. If you bought and you don’t like it, return it.

Playing Defense

As anyone who is worked with me can tell you, my broken record message is this: “First, serve the needs of the audience.”  Typically, when we see Steve take the stage, Apple’s needs and the audience’s needs are one and the same – everyone wants to get excited about the newest jewel in the Apple crown.  And when those two needs are in alignment, Jobs soars as a communicator.

This morning, the needs of the audience  – the press and consumers like me tuning into the live blog coverage – and the needs of the Apple executives were decidedly at odds.  The Audience/Press needed to know a) what was causing the problem and b) what Apple was doing to fix it.

Apple’s needs were to a) defend themselves and b) show how few people were actually experiencing this service issue.

Which way did Steve take it?  Unfortunately, he put the needs of Apple first.  The result?  He came off as defensive, and victim-like – why pick on us??  By the time he finally got around to proclaiming his love and concern for Apple customers, people were already pretty turned off.

The sad thing is that you would be hard pressed to find a CEO who cares more about his customers than Steve Jobs.

If Jobs had flipped the order of his comments, it would have made a big difference. Would it have been perfect? No.  But it would have established that the consumer comes first, and that ONE devoted Apple customer affected by crappy service is one too many.  By owning that, we the audience would have been far more open to hearing the logic behind the cause of the problems, and the relatively small impact it has had on the majority of users.

What can the rest of us learn?

For anyone in the media relations game, there is a very important lesson to be learned here.  Never make someone else “wrong.”  Steve Jobs made the press “wrong” for blowing the service issues out of proportion and for picking on Apple.

Whenever we make someone “wrong” we close down the lines of communication.  Does it mean we can’t feel hurt or upset or angry? No. In fact, we have to give ourselves room to feel all of those things. But we need to avoid acting from those places, especially when we go on record in front of an audience.

What he could have done was consider this: While it is true that it must feel like Apple is under siege at times, it is also true that most press believe that their job is to look at/uncover controversy and expose the truth.

If Jobs had been able to see this as less a personal attack, and more a professional obligation on the part of the press, he might have been less defensive. It might have freed him up to first address the fact that Apple cares DEEPLY about any problems their customers experience.  Then he could have gone into detail about the whys and the fixes.

Instead, it felt like, “It’s really not a big deal, but we’ll give you a free cover if that will make you happy.”

The beauty of learning this skill is that it extends into every human interaction we have.  Try it and you’ll see. The next time your spouse blows up at you for something you don’t agree with, try putting aside your needs for a moment, and focus completely on understanding his/her perspective, and meeting that need. Chances are, your spouse will be more willing to hear your side of the story.

You may even get lucky.

Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing Chris O’Brien, business and technology columnist for the San Jose Mercury News.  Initially, I wanted to discuss the art of “listening” during an interview – not the reporter’s ability to listen, but rather the spokesperson’s ability to listen.  Chris and I had a great discussion, but I emerged with a slightly different theme for this posting – the importance of Authenticity.

I began the discussion by describing a scene I’ve witnessed over the years (as I’m sure many PR people have): In a spokesperson’s quest to faithfully deliver key messages, he or she ends up steamrolling a reporter, or fails to pick up on important cues on what the reporter is looking for.

Chris said, “We sort of expect that a spokesperson has been prepped and knows what they want to say.  That’s fine. But you can really tell when someone is over rehearsed. I’m interested in having a conversation with a real person, not some sterile interview.”

He then added, “My best interviews are with the people who sort of refuse to be ‘handled.’  For example, Bill Watkins, of Seagate… he’s going to come in and be unfiltered with me.  And while I do pity the handler, I appreciate it when someone has spoken from their own voice…”  (For those not familiar with Mr. Watkins, this article gives a snapshot of the interview style of the infamous Mr. Watkins.  It truly is a PR person’s worst nightmare… but a knock-out interview for the reporter).

Turns out, for Chris O’Brien, the interview often begins when the spokesperson thinks the conversation is over. “That’s when they loosen up, and say what they really think.”  Yikes.  But from Chris’s perspective, the recap of the messages at the end of the interview are generally better, and delivered in a real human voice.

What’s a PR person to do?

These are interesting times in the world of public relations, and the business of spokesperson “grooming.”  The demand for authenticity and transparency is on the rise.  But so is the demand for killer press hits in an increasingly tight media landscape.

On one hand, corporate communications people are tasked with creating a level of consistency across dozens of spokespeople – no small feat.  On the other hand, reporters aren’t interested in talking with a bunch of clones.  So where does that leave us?

While having a consistent set of messages is crucial to a tight corporate message, there needs to be more of a focus on helping spokespeople to be themselves in interviews.  We need to encourage everyone to sing the same song, but in their own voices.  Cheesy? Yes, but also true.

But what does that really mean in the tactical sense?

For Spokespeople: No more showing up to a “prep” session with the statement, “OK, so tell me what to say.”  You have to work with your PR team to co-author the key messages, and make them your own.  By simply regurgitating someone else’s sound bites, you almost guarantee a flat, totally unconvincing interview.

For the Corporate Communications Team: Now is the time to cultivate a slightly different skill set than just key message development and the ability to give good guidance around what a reporter is looking for.  Begin to develop a sensitivity and sensibility around your spokespeople’s strengths, or where their fears lie.  Learn to bring out the best in your spokespeople, and guide them by giving them sound, honest, and compassionate feedback.  This does not mean spoon feeding pre-fab messaging to overtaxed executives.    It means helping people cope with and eventually lose their bad habits as they talk to influencers like Chris O’Brien.

While it may sound exhausting, it’s actually a win/win.  With a spokesperson who is encouraged to be themselves, having made the messages his or her own, the centralized corp comms team knows the messages are shining through, and the press gets to speak with actual human beings.

Is Media Training Really Just a Game?

I had a very interesting conversation recently with someone who had worked with a media coach who “knew how to play the game… and knew all of the tricks” in working with the press.  He and I both bristled at this approach.  Is there a game to media interviews? I suppose you could see it that way.  Are there “tricks” to be mastered? Sure, there are some helpful techniques.  But ultimately, this “cheating the game” approach to interactions with the press fails to honor what is ACTUALLY happening in a press conversation – two people trying to get their very valid needs met. And by treating press interviews like a game, we step out of a place of integrity and into a place of manipulation.  The result?  A crappy article, and a superficial relationship with a reporter.

Does that mean we stop teaching our spokespeople to “bridge to key messages?” Not necessarily. Does it mean we teach our executives to really listen, and empathize with what the reporter needs? Absolutely.  At the end of the day, each and every interaction with a press person is an interaction with a human being.  And the more respect, personality and authenticity we can bring to that interaction, the better.

To end the interview, I asked Chris what he wished spokespeople knew before getting on the phone with him:

“Honestly? Just be yourself. That’s all I ask.”

Amen.

Let’s see how he did.

1) Express believable self-awareness. I give Tiger Woods high marks on expressing believable regret and embarrassment, but self awareness? Not sure about that.  His explanation of his own sense of entitlement was helpful, but it lacked resonance.  I’m not saying he should make up false reasons (reminds me of when I was a kid and used to invent sins to confess to the priest, just to satisfy him). But his statement lacked intimacy.  If you are appealing to a mass audience, and trying to crawl your way back into their hearts and minds, you have to infuse every statement with very real emotion, and paint a vivid picture.  “I worked hard, and felt I was entitled” didn’t do it for me.  This statement would have been perfect if he was talking about a shopping addiction.  It doesn’t work for a problem of extreme infidelity.  The correct response probably lives one layer beneath that one –How does “working hard” equate to serial infidelity?

2) Make us see a little bit of ourselves. I would love to know your thoughts on this, but I didn’t feel a connection to him at all, on any level during this statement. In fact, his explanation triggered even more judgment from me, I’m ashamed to admit.  Apologies are tricky business, and ultimately have to tap a sense of empathy in the listener without asking them to do any extra work.  We all commit sins on a daily basis (envy, greed, sloth, lust), it shouldn’t be that hard to make his transgressions feel personally familiar on some level.  But somehow he missed it.

3) Remind us of how much we love golf BECAUSE of Tiger Woods, without actually coming out and saying it.  I am most disappointed about this piece of the apology.  As the daughter of a devoted golfer, I was hungry for that moment of “I can’t wait to finally have this behind us, and see him back on the golf course.”  That moment never came.

4) He needs to mean every word he says. Here, I actually give him good marks. I think this is a man who was VERY involved in writing his own statement (how else can you explain the strange flow of it, the clunky organization?).  What the statement DIDN’T lack was real emotion and feeling.  That was as raw a Tiger Woods as I’ve ever seen.

The reference to Buddhism and how it will help him on his journey to recovery was interesting, though I didn’t entirely understand it.  But I do think it added some much needed depth to the statement.  Ultimately, I question whether this statement came too soon in his recovery. If it wasn’t meant to signal his return to golf, what was it signaling?
My hope is that Tiger Woods seizes this opportunity, and becomes a more three dimensional personality in the public eye. We’re seeing signs of life, but he’s still got a long way to go.

Like a sports analyst giving pre-game commentary, here’s my take:  His statement needs to do four things:  1) Express believable self awareness.  It has to be real, maybe even a little bit raw.  2) Make us see a little bit of ourselves in his description of his fall from grace. 3) Remind us of how much we love golf BECAUSE of Tiger Woods, without actually coming out and saying it.  4) He needs to mean every word he says.  If this is lip service or an acting job, it’ll fall flat. Falling flat probably won’t hurt his golfing career, but he’ll lose the hearts and minds battle (which means loss of endorsements, ultimately).

I thought it would be fascinating (morbidly perhaps) to draft MY version of what Tiger should say during that press conference.  Just so we’re clear: Tiger Woods is not my client. I don’t have any connection to him whatsoever.

Here goes:

Thanks for coming.  Given how many things in the world deserve our focus these days, I am deeply ashamed that my problems have hijacked so much of our collective attention. For this, and so many other things, I am sorry.

For the past several weeks, I have been going through what can only be described as a hellish journey of self discovery.  Anyone who has struggled with and conquered an addiction knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Like many addicts, I had successfully kept parts of my life compartmentalized, living several different lives at the same time.  It allowed me to justify disgusting behavior, and allowed me to lie to myself and others.  And for a long time, it worked.  Then of course, one tiny thread was pulled, and my entire life unraveled, taking my wife, my children and my career down with it.

Coming out of an intense period of revelation, tackling some of the darkest corners of my mind and my experiences, I can say with all honesty –I’m not “healed.” I’m not “whole.” But I’m working on it, and crawling my way out of this self-made nightmare one day at a time.

Part of my recovery and journey back to integrity is to devote myself wholly to my true loves – my wife, my children and my sport – Golf.  The matter of my family is a private one. But my love of the sport is a public one.

It is my intention to get back to the game that has given so much to me.  I grew up in the company of golfers – professional and amateur, and I crave their company and the experience of walking the green, and making contact with that ball.  I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m hoping that you – the fans and the golf community – will allow me back into the sport.

As we all now know, I’m not the role model I made myself out to be.  But maybe there’s room for a different kind of role model, one who can tackle his own terrible flaws head on, and show that it is possible to heal what has been so badly broken.

Thank you.

Now… let’s see what he actually says.  I’ll be on the edge of my seat.

Rather than state the obvious (“ill advised” doesn’t even begin to cover it), John Mayer’s off-the-cuff interview with Playboy has certainly gotten me thinking a lot about “authenticity.”  As many of you know, I’m a huge fan of authenticity, and oddly enough in this day of Reality Everything, it can be an elusive quality.

And then someone like John Mayer comes along with a very “authentic” tirade (if by “authentic” we mean “racist, sexist, and hideous”) and makes me stop and think, “was he just being himself?” Mr. Mayer, in case you are sitting around waiting for me to weigh in on your, ahem, “authenticity issue,” here is some free advice:

1. Think of each interview as a love letter to your fans. As much as your ego may tell you otherwise, interviews are not about you.  They are about connecting with your fans.  And while, yes, we are all a little obsessed with your relationships with Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson, we really aren’t interested in the level of detail you so colorfully provided (sex was like “napalm”???).  From now on, think about what REALLY serves your fans.  Don’t tell us what we think we want to know (gossip), but what we should know about you: what makes you write the songs you do, and what inspires you as an artist.  Give us THOSE messages with purity and authenticity. You’re not Paris Hilton, reliant on the paparazzi to keep you relevant.  Your music is what keeps you relevant.
2. The same social media you profess to love will TAKE YOU DOWN. I’ve got a nagging suspicion that going into your interview you thought, “Hey, this is Playboy. I’m allowed to get a little down and dirty with them.”  Newsflash: The minute that interview hit Playboy.com, it quickly became CNN.com and WhateverYourMomReads.com.  Your credibility as someone who stands for ANYTHING OTHER than heaping-amounts-of-white-girl-only-sex is pretty much shot.  Not even sure Haiti wants you raising money for them at this point.
3. Focus on your talent. Do nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, for the next 12 months but write music, and play music.  Don’t act like an idiot at a club, don’t date anyone. In fact, you might opt for just getting out of the country for a year or so.  Clear your head.  Go on a porn diet.  Better yet, go work with the world’s poorest of the poor (without cameras following you), and remember that while you’ve been trying to beat Wilt Chamberlain’s record, there have been people struggling to find enough food to eat, watching their children go to bed hungry.  Remember how blessed you are to be a well paid musician, surrounded by idiot women who will continue to fling themselves at you.

I hope this is helpful to you.  Secretly, I’m still a fan.  I still think “Daughters” may be one of the most beautiful songs ever written… insightful, simple, and true.  John Mayer, you can’t possibly be as misogynistic as you have made yourself out to be.  So get back to basics, shut up for a good long while, and we’ll see you at the Grammys in 2013.

For those who can’t watch the 4 ½ minute video above, CBS was concerned that it would offend “some people.” And by “some people,” they mean “gay people.”  If nothing else, this decision shows just how much confusion this country is feeling about sexuality.  While advertisements with scantily clad women prancing around like randy reindeer are widely accepted as traditional Super Bowl fare, a mild and HILARIOUS ad portraying an openly (if flamboyant) gay man is seen as “offensive.”  But in a post-Adam-Lambert-Getting’-His-Nasty-On world, it’s no wonder CBS played it safe.  What’s a network to do?

My recommendation?  CBS, go make some gay friends.  They’d be the first to tell you, “Don’t sweat it.”  And your mainstream beer drinking, chili eating, hetero-male audience would have gotten a real kick out of it, God bless ‘em.  And secondly, as many people echoed in the wake of Lambert’s performance, if you’re going to be outraged by overtly sexual antics on stage, you best be consistent.  So, CBS: If you’re gonna pull “Lola” you best pull all the other babes as well (sorry guys).  After all, aren’t you worried about offending ME? Women are now inching up to 50% of your audience.  I mean, I’m a c-cup at best, and I’m tired of all of the pressure.

Well, as it turns out, it really doesn’t matter at this point.  By placing a less “offensive” ad (though FAR racier) driving viewers to GoDaddy.com to see the “real” ad, GoDaddy has gotten themselves a three-fer: pre-Super Bowl buzz, a bigger traffic bump to the site during game, and the equivalent of two Super Bowl ad placements for the price of one.

And not only that, Bob nails his on-camera interview with Fox Business (aside from the distracting pen-grasping hand motions). He’s likeable in that “good ol’ boy” kinda way, and he is absolutely memorable. So memorable, in fact, that I was able to repeat nearly his ENTIRE interview to my husband… which is saying a lot since my memory is like Swiss cheese these days.  Lastly, Bob’s interview made me like the GoDaddy brand.  Tits and ass included. In fact, just watching it made me proud to be an American.  And that’s coming from a liberal, Democrat, wanna-be vegetarian feminist who typically drinks wine in the kitchen while the men watch the game.

Not only does GoDaddy win in this scenario, Madison Avenue will be pleased by Bob’s key message than rang out like tambourines on Gay Pride day – Super Bowl advertising works “in spades.”

Like all presentation coaches the world over, I am once again ruminating on Steve Jobs’ performance today as he unveiled the much anticipated iPad.  In fact, that sound you just heard was my jaw hitting the ground as I watched the iPad’s eReader demonstrated in Steve’s capable hands.  Full disclosure: I’m in a state of unbridled teenage lust over this product.  In other words, it may interfere with my ability to actually evaluate his delivery.  But here goes.

• What I loved:
  • Doing his thing. The casual, friendly, buzzword-free, yet-suitably-nerdy delivery combined with show-stopping visuals delivered once again.  Many a CEO aches to have an audience burst into applause for something they’re showing.  Steve Jobs doesn’t have to ask for it.  Putting aside the earthshattering-ness of his products for a moment, Jobs tees up his great “unveiling” moments with such precision, and with the perfect supporting visuals delivered at JUST the right moment, the audience can’t help but burst into gregarious applause.
  • Take a load off. I loved that he sat down in his chair for the demo.  This was probably necessary just given the nature of the device, but in that moment I finally understood why I would use the iPad.  Sitting on the couch, I would grab it to check something online.  Same goes for when he said, “If I want to buy movie tickets, I grab the iPad in the kitchen, and go to Fandango.”  He painted a picture  that looked eerily like my own kitchen, tapping into my own frustration of needing to just “hop online”… knowing how hideously slow my Blackberry’s browser performance is, and that my computer takes forever to fire up again (because I am STILL on a PC. Long story).
  • Killing them softly. Loved the reference to Amazon’s eReader with the statement (paraphrasing here), “Amazon has done a great job with the Kindle… we are standing on their shoulders and going further.” It left me with a pleasant “isn’t that nice!” feeling, even as Jobs was driving Excalibur right into the fleshy heart of the Kindle.
  • Pricing. When I first heard the $499 pricing, it seemed too expensive. I know, I know, I’m cheap like that. But when he couched it in the statement, “the pundits are saying it will cost $999” (again, paraphrasing), and then delivered the $499 pricing (complete with glass shattering sound and visuals), I immediately changed my tune, and thought, “It wouldn’t be that bad to camp out in front of the Apple store, would it?”
  • Getting stronger. He was also decidedly more cheerful this go around.  There was a much different energy on stage.  You can tell that Steve Job simply feels better, stronger since the Nano unveiling in September.

• What I would have liked to see more/less of:
  • It’s hard to criticize Jobs’ delivery.  Many people tease him for the “amazing”s, the “phenomenal”s, but I still like them.  It’s how we talk, and I appreciate that he speaks like a human being.  But if pushed to choose something, I would say this: I could have done with one less website demo, and instead, I would have liked to have seen a demo of what it’s like to present in Keynote, or how a Word or Excel document feels on an iPad. I know this device isn’t meant to replace a laptop, but man… if I could take an iPad with me through the security line at an airport, and leave my laptop at home… that would make my heart feel SUPER HAPPY! (for those of you with young children, you will note the Kai Lan reference;).

At the end of the day, when you have products as visually arresting, and as fantastic as Apple’s, the script practically writes itself. But once again, Steve Jobs shows us his mastery of simplicity, restraint, and his keen understanding of what we all want to know, see and feel.

In fact, it was prompted by this week’s People cover story on Heidi Montag.  When I saw this, my heart literally ached, and I immediately thought to myself, “…and we lose another young woman to the lie.”  I truly believe that Vanity is the evil arch rival of Purpose.  I’m not talking about feeling good about yourself, and taking care of your appearance (ahem, my hair appointment is at 2pm), but the wasting of precious time and talent in this one life we’ve been given.

In my work, I get the opportunity to help women reclaim their voices through public presence workshops.  One of the key pieces of the program that Kristine Schaeffer and I have developed is when we talk about aligning each woman’s personal “purpose” with her professional “purpose.”  I am almost always humbled and THRILLED by the talents, passions, and plans of the women I meet.

And then I see a story like Heidi’s, and I start to lose hope – these images wrap around our young women like cellophane, and there is no escaping them.  But then I remember something I read in Mary Pipher’s groundbreaking “Reviving Ophelia,” about her work with depressed, troubled young girls.

“So much time has been wasted pretending to be who others wanted…  But also, there’s a new energy that comes from making connections, from choosing awareness over denial and from the telling of secrets.  We work now, 20 years behind schedule.  We reestablish each woman as the subject of her life, not as the object of others’ lives.”

To any of you young women out there, or to any who interact with young women, remember this:  Your life is worth something of incalculable value, and it has very little to do with what you look like.  You have never happened before, nor will you ever happen again in the course of history.

So, as Mary Oliver so beautifully said, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

1) It’s clearly written. People sometimes take a perfectly good sentiment and turn it into a steaming pile of legalese, and lose all credibility (and frankly readability).

2) It’s real. It embodies all of the things we profess to love – it’s transparent, accessible and authentic to the core.  I especially appreciated the “hair” apology at the end… always nice to surprise a reader who makes it through to the end of your posting.

3) It influenced my thinking. Because of his very clear, thoughtful argument, I came away with a very strong  opinion about NBC’s decision.  This is shocking mostly because a) I never watch Late Night TV unless a client is appearing and b) I’ve never really watched Conan, aside from the occasional YouTube posting sent my way.

So, to Conan O’Brian, be prepared to see your tale retold in PR and marketing trade rags all year long, as an exemplary citizen of New Media and Transparency.  In fact, I also predict you will make it into the little side bar in Vanity Fair that shows whose star has risen and fallen in recent months.  Kudos. You did good, and I’m rooting for you from the sidelines. GIVE ‘EM HELL CONAN.

As I mentioned in a previous posting, I think Sarah Palin has tremendous potential as a spokesperson.  She has a very authentic voice, an energy that resonates with a whole lot of people (conservatives, almost without exception), and is simply stunning on camera.  As I mentioned before, her greatest threats are unscripted interactions with the press and the public.  By giving her a scripted opportunity to do her thing, Fox is playing perfectly to Palin’s strengths.   From that standpoint, I applaud the move.

What I fear for Fox News is this – they seem to have a poor grasp of who their female audience really is.  Full disclosure: it’s not me.  But I have some very sharp, highly educated, free-thinking, conservative female friends who seem terribly misaligned with some of the women on the Fox News team.  Here’s a great example:  Gretchen Carlson, famously called to task by Jon Stewart for “dumbing down” her intelligence to appeal to what I’m guessing must be Fox’s understanding of the “mainstream American woman.”

My suggestion to Fox News is this:  For every Gretchen Carlson or Sarah Palin you bring on board, please, PLEASE add a Peggy Noonan as a counterpoint for the thinking women in your audience.

Just sayin’.