(Originally ran on Business Insider on September 15th)

Perhaps like you, I’ve been a bit curious about this situation with femme fatale sports caster Ines Sainz and her recent issues with alleged sexual harassment in the Jets locker room.

What is triggering my interest is not the question of women in the locker room (not going there, thank you).  It is the issue of how we, as women, choose to present ourselves professionally.  Granted, Ms. Sainz is an extreme example – I mean how many of us have bikini shots up on our LinkedIn profile?

But let me first go on record: The way a woman dresses may be a serious lapse in judgment, but it does not make sexual harassment acceptable.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I think we can agree that many, many women make the choice to “lead” with their sexuality at work by dressing a certain way.  And by “lead” I mean that by dressing a certain way, they make a very sexy first impression.  For some women, it gives a false sense of power and a false sense of control over the room.   For others, it’s hardly a choice they make with full awareness… they are simply a product of their upbringing, or the media environment we live in.  Many times they just haven’t had the guidance.

Regardless, once you have branded yourself as “sexy” the road to “credible” is long, painful and difficult.

But What About Self Expression?

Many young women I’ve worked with in the past have said, “But this is who I am! I’m expressing myself honestly… isn’t that what you always teach us to do?”  To this I say: Let’s give ourselves a bit more credit, shall we?

Who we truly are is not something as superficial as a low neckline or high hemline.  Who we are goes much deeper than that, and when we lead with our sexuality, it sends a message that there ain’t much else there.

One very bright, accomplished woman I worked with said that she loved the rush of being “checked out” in meetings, only to wow the room with her insights, intelligence and experience.  The problem here is the underlying message that “it’s about me, and how I feel.”

Any good presenter knows that success comes when you are in devotion to the audience needs first.  Not the other way around.  Leading with our sexuality, or our fashion flamboyance, can send a message of self-absorption and a complete lack of awareness and respect for the people around us.

Know the Game You’re Playing

On the flip side, many women have made great careers for themselves by leading with their sexy side.  I don’t mean to judge them, or discredit their success.  But I am saying that we need to take responsibility for what game we’re playing.  If we lead with sexy, then sexy is what we’ll get. For better or worse.

The good news for those who take this path? Sex does sell.  And Sainz is having a pretty great run as a Mexican sportscaster, and her notoriety in the U.S. is soaring.  I predict a Letterman interview and a Playboy offer within the month.  Heck, if she keeps up the publicity, I see an Entourage cameo in her future.

Would she be taken seriously in a nightly news setting here in the U.S.? Not on your life. But I would surmise that Sainz has no interest in that path. She knows the game she’s playing, and she’s doing her thing.

But we shouldn’t for a second fool ourselves into thinking we can have it both ways.  Overtly sexy does not go hand in hand with serious creditability.

So the question we have to ask ourselves is, if we choose not to lead with our sexuality, what are we leading with?  And thus begins the hard work of true self expression.

From watching Gizmodo’s live blogging coverage from today’s event at Apple’s HQs, it seems that things went a little sideways.  No, there were no technical glitches, or streakers across the stage, but somehow, the usually invincible presenter Steve Jobs struck a sour note with many of the folks in the room.

From the get-go, things weren’t exactly as they could have been.  From what I undertand, Apple rolled the YouTube video The Antennae song as a warm up, just before the press conference began.

If you haven’t seen it, it is yet another video of an average looking white guy bustin’ some hip hop skills, and basically delivering the message that this antennae issue is really no big deal, and if you don’t like the iPhone 4, don’t buy it. If you bought and you don’t like it, return it.

Playing Defense

As anyone who is worked with me can tell you, my broken record message is this: “First, serve the needs of the audience.”  Typically, when we see Steve take the stage, Apple’s needs and the audience’s needs are one and the same – everyone wants to get excited about the newest jewel in the Apple crown.  And when those two needs are in alignment, Jobs soars as a communicator.

This morning, the needs of the audience  – the press and consumers like me tuning into the live blog coverage – and the needs of the Apple executives were decidedly at odds.  The Audience/Press needed to know a) what was causing the problem and b) what Apple was doing to fix it.

Apple’s needs were to a) defend themselves and b) show how few people were actually experiencing this service issue.

Which way did Steve take it?  Unfortunately, he put the needs of Apple first.  The result?  He came off as defensive, and victim-like – why pick on us??  By the time he finally got around to proclaiming his love and concern for Apple customers, people were already pretty turned off.

The sad thing is that you would be hard pressed to find a CEO who cares more about his customers than Steve Jobs.

If Jobs had flipped the order of his comments, it would have made a big difference. Would it have been perfect? No.  But it would have established that the consumer comes first, and that ONE devoted Apple customer affected by crappy service is one too many.  By owning that, we the audience would have been far more open to hearing the logic behind the cause of the problems, and the relatively small impact it has had on the majority of users.

What can the rest of us learn?

For anyone in the media relations game, there is a very important lesson to be learned here.  Never make someone else “wrong.”  Steve Jobs made the press “wrong” for blowing the service issues out of proportion and for picking on Apple.

Whenever we make someone “wrong” we close down the lines of communication.  Does it mean we can’t feel hurt or upset or angry? No. In fact, we have to give ourselves room to feel all of those things. But we need to avoid acting from those places, especially when we go on record in front of an audience.

What he could have done was consider this: While it is true that it must feel like Apple is under siege at times, it is also true that most press believe that their job is to look at/uncover controversy and expose the truth.

If Jobs had been able to see this as less a personal attack, and more a professional obligation on the part of the press, he might have been less defensive. It might have freed him up to first address the fact that Apple cares DEEPLY about any problems their customers experience.  Then he could have gone into detail about the whys and the fixes.

Instead, it felt like, “It’s really not a big deal, but we’ll give you a free cover if that will make you happy.”

The beauty of learning this skill is that it extends into every human interaction we have.  Try it and you’ll see. The next time your spouse blows up at you for something you don’t agree with, try putting aside your needs for a moment, and focus completely on understanding his/her perspective, and meeting that need. Chances are, your spouse will be more willing to hear your side of the story.

You may even get lucky.

Having seen the roadshow “decks” that people continue to trot out to investors, it’s shocking anyone gets any money at all.

Take a gander and enjoy!

B

How To Prepare For Your IPO Roadshow

In my previous post, I applauded the risk taken by Nike in the controversial ad featuring the voice of Tiger’s deceased father, because I’ve always believed that the only way to win back hearts and minds (and ultimately sponsorship deals) was to take us on a real and believable journey into self discovery and healing with Tiger Woods.  The ad, while creepy as hell, was unflinchingly real. His ESPN interview prior to the Masters seemed also to point to a real and authentic comeback.

But the big critical success factor for his comeback was always this: He actually has to change.  For reals, as my daughter says.

The final press conference with Tiger Woods unfortunately revealed what may be the “for reals” of Tiger Woods.  Words like “petulant” and “arrogant” are being tossed about the Interwebs with good reason. In fact, I’d like to add “flippant” if I may.

Whatever self awareness and humility he had going into the tournament, they’ve been shelved.  Maybe he’s tired of being a punching bag and taking his lumps.  Maybe he feels entitled (remember where that got him?) to better treatment by the press.  Maybe he’s just stopped caring.  Whatever the reason, the underpinnings of a credible comeback have fallen apart.

But maybe that’s ok.  Maybe people will still love watching him, much like Giants fans loved watching Barry Bonds, despite a well known, ahem, ego problem.  But I can tell you this – there is a price to be paid for arrogance, ego and dishonesty, and I think it will be next to impossible to rebuild the empire that was once Tiger Woods.

For further analysis, today’s Huffington Post had a great article that highlights his two biggest “misses” in the wake of the Masters – 1) his failure to acknowledge Phil Mickelson and 2) his defensiveness about his temper.

With that, let’s close the books on Tiger shall we?  At this point, Jesse James’ issues seem less annoying than Tiger’s.

As I blogged recently, I believe that the only way for Tiger to reclaim his vast empire of sponsorships is to take the public on his very private journey to recovery.  Based on his initial press conference, I was pretty convinced that this was advice Team Tiger wasn’t interested in hearing. But in light of his other recent interviews, especially his press conference earlier this week, I think they are back on track, and advertiser Nike puts a finer point on it with the release of this new ad.

Here’s my take: Is it creepy? Yep.

Is it intrusive and slightly manipulative? Yep.

BUT, does it feel REAL and authentic? Absolutely.

And that is exactly what will win back hearts and minds which ultimately wins back sponsors.  We didn’t say the path would be easy, comfortable or private.  But the good news is, Tiger is solidly on track to become a tragic, multidimensional hero.  Looking back, I’m surprised we bought the cardboard, one dimensional, squeaky clean version to begin with. But we wanted to believe it.  And now we need to believe something different.

On CBS’s The Early Show today, Barbara Lippert of Adweek gives a fantastic interview, and sums this up in tight, memorable terms.  For Nike, Tiger Woods is a brand that is “too big to fail,” and their approach to rebuilding his brand is spot on in my opinion.

The ad does something profound – while most of us don’t have a sexual addiction, we’ve all done things that were not in alignment with our own sense of integrity, and we’ve all heard the voice of our parents (living or dead) asking us, “Is this really who I raised you to be?”  Tiger’s silence and his painfully real facial expressions do something powerful – they give us insight into his very real pain, and help us to see ourselves in his struggles.

This was a huge risk for Nike, given the creepiness of resurrecting a deceased loved one, but in my opinion a risk well worth taking.

In his introduction of President Obama on this historic day of reckoning with America’s health care system, Joe Biden stated on mic, what many of us were thinking: “This is a big f-cking deal.”

In a ship run as tightly as Team Obama (not flawless, but definitely well run), it’s hard to explain Joe Biden’s gaffe situation.  He has had a distinguished career, having served his country well for nearly 40 years. But the fact remains: Watching the Vice President speak can be cringe-inducing.  It’s not quite at the Dan Quayle level, but it’s getting close.

In my mind, there are really only 2 explanations for this.

1) Option 1: Team Obama is all over this. One possibility is that Obama’s people are not only aware of the problem, but are working very diligently with him to give him coaching, feedback and guidance early and often.  Hence the tendency toward more scripted opportunities, and off camera interactions.  If this is the case, then we may be seeing that rare example of “The Utterly Uncoachable.”  This would reveal a deeply troubling self awareness issue on the part of Vice President Biden.

2) Option 2: Team Obama is in denial. This seems extremely unlikely, but I suppose that it is possible that no one wants to tell Vice President Biden that his baby is ugly, as it were, and that he’s just too dangerous to be mic’d. 

Given what he told Katie Couric about not wanting to compromise his authentic voice for carefully scripted messaging, I’m pretty sure Option 1 is our winner.

The Diagnosis.

Based on what I can tell, Joe is a very, very charismatic man in the right circumstances.  The confidence, warmth and ease that often backfires on him in public settings is the same warmth, confidence and ease that has probably helped him a great deal in one-on-one situations and in closed door situations.  I also believe that Joe Biden really enjoys his opportunities on stage.  I would almost wager a bet that he enjoys it so much, he tells his staff “I’ve got this. Not gonna be one of your clones, thanks.”  But maybe not. What do I know? I’ve never met the man.

But I do know that Joe Biden is likeable enough, and God knows he has all of the right experience.  He just seems to be playing it all a bit too fast and loose, failing to think through things before blurting them out – the classic hallmark of someone who is used to winning people over with relative ease.  Could there be a more polar opposite than President Obama who measures every word before he allows it out of his mouth?

The big question I have is this: how does Vice President Biden react to his own gaffes?  It is entirely possible that he is overwhelmed by shame and embarrassment, and vows each time to do better.  It is also possible that he thinks “Oh well. I’m just being myself.  Tomorrow’s a new day.”  There is a universe of difference there.  If the latter is the case, we could be in for quite a few more YouTube gems, I’m sorry to say.

The Prescription.

If I were in charge of all things Joe Biden, I would assign a Chief Media Coach to be his shadow, his confidante, his conscience and his “tough love” resource before and after each and every public appearance.  But given how Team Obama rolls, I’m fairly certain said Media Coach is already in place, and very likely pulling his or her hair out, strand by strand.

If I were in that person’s shoes, I would take a two pronged approach:

Step One, do all of the obvious prep on issues, key messages, Q&A.

Step Two, do the hard work of digging deep into each of his public gaffes and figure out what is causing Vice President Biden to get so lost in the moment.  The common denominator of each and every misstep seems to be exuberance, enthusiasm and passion.  What is it about these triggers that creates such a disconnect between brain and mouth?

I generally like to think the best of people.  I have to believe that when Joe Biden was talking to Katie Couric, he knew that FDR didn’t “go on television” to talk about the stock market crash of 1929.  In fact, it wasn’t FDR but Hoover, who dealt with the early days of the Depression… and not well, I might add, and 1929 was hardly the “break out year” for television.  But Biden got so caught up trying to make his point about leadership during a crisis that he spoke before he had the chance to tap the catalogue of knowledge in his brain.

If you can nail the mystery of what happens inside his mind when this exuberance hits, the rest will come with practice and further coaching work.  Self awareness is a powerful weapon against public screw ups.

Step Two is by far the most difficult.  It takes a very special personality match to make a difference with a client like Joe Biden, given the level of introspection and vulnerability required.  What kind of person he would best work with, I can’t begin to guess, but I have to imagine that given the results thus far, whatever coaching he’s getting, it’s 100% focused on Step 1 and not Step 2.

But before you go writing Biden off, remember – anything is possible. Even health care reform.

As you may have seen in my previous posts, I have been hoping for a good solid comeback, but wasn’t seeing many signs of life.  Looking back at Tiger’s public interactions since December, it’s been a strange mix of obstinate silence (especially during those first 48 – 72 hours) and a series of quasi self-revelations.  Sunday’s appearance showed us a more patient, vulnerable, and frankly likeable Tiger Woods than we saw at his recent press conference.

(Why they conducted the interview standing up, as if it was fresh off of 18 holes, I cannot imagine.  Were they trying to avoid the “Oprah’s couch” cliché?  Kudos for choosing casual golf wear for his attire… helps us remember Tiger as he was, and will be – a key part of golf culture).

Don’t Go There

While, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a huge fan of over-delivery of key messages (ahem, Sarah Palin), I am absolutely a fan of determining where the boundaries of conversation exist, and politely, but firmly sticking to said boundaries.  During the interview, there were a few instances where Tom Rinaldi asked questions of Tiger Woods that violated “sacred space.”  For example, when asked about the kind of treatment he was undergoing, Tiger very firmly stated, “that is a private matter.”

But notice what happens next: rather than bristling, and getting defensive and annoyed by the interviewer (see Nicole Kidman during the infamous Andrew Marr interview when the questions veered into Scientology) Tiger patiently and honestly elaborated on what he could say about his treatment experience:

“That is a private matter.  But it was tough… to look at yourself in a light that you never wanted to look at yourself… I saw a person that I never thought I’d become.”

That is a “needs based” approach to challenging Q&A situations. Tom Rinaldi (by proxy for the rest of us) needed insight into Tiger’s recovery.  Tiger Woods needs to keep some areas of his recovery sacred.  By recognizing Tom’s valid need for insight into his recovery process, Tiger gives a good, honest answer that still maintains the boundaries he has set.  Everyone wins.  Too often, people stonewall, panic, and become uncomfortable to watch when questions veer into sacred space territory.

Give Them What They Need

Here’s the thing: the public may want to know exactly how many women Tiger Woods slept with, or whether or not Elin came after him with a golf club, but the public doesn’t actually need to know the answers to these questions.  (Incidentally, both questions were broached during the interview in so many words, and neither was answered).

What we do need to know is the truth about who Tiger Woods is. Then, and only then, can we make a real decision about how much we like him.  And if this sounds a bit voyeuristic and bizarre, this is what it takes to win back “hearts and minds” which then bring back the big sponsors, and put Tiger back into the driver’s seat of his own career.

The guidance Tiger Woods received going into this interview was correct.  What emerged was a flawed, but potentially likeable person who is in fact very nervous about people’s reaction to him at the Masters.  It was a pleasure to see him light up at the thought of getting back onto the course with his friends, and for a moment, we saw a glimmer of what he might become : one of the greatest comeback stories in recent history.

Show us what’cha got, Tiger. We’re ready now.

Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing Chris O’Brien, business and technology columnist for the San Jose Mercury News.  Initially, I wanted to discuss the art of “listening” during an interview – not the reporter’s ability to listen, but rather the spokesperson’s ability to listen.  Chris and I had a great discussion, but I emerged with a slightly different theme for this posting – the importance of Authenticity.

I began the discussion by describing a scene I’ve witnessed over the years (as I’m sure many PR people have): In a spokesperson’s quest to faithfully deliver key messages, he or she ends up steamrolling a reporter, or fails to pick up on important cues on what the reporter is looking for.

Chris said, “We sort of expect that a spokesperson has been prepped and knows what they want to say.  That’s fine. But you can really tell when someone is over rehearsed. I’m interested in having a conversation with a real person, not some sterile interview.”

He then added, “My best interviews are with the people who sort of refuse to be ‘handled.’  For example, Bill Watkins, of Seagate… he’s going to come in and be unfiltered with me.  And while I do pity the handler, I appreciate it when someone has spoken from their own voice…”  (For those not familiar with Mr. Watkins, this article gives a snapshot of the interview style of the infamous Mr. Watkins.  It truly is a PR person’s worst nightmare… but a knock-out interview for the reporter).

Turns out, for Chris O’Brien, the interview often begins when the spokesperson thinks the conversation is over. “That’s when they loosen up, and say what they really think.”  Yikes.  But from Chris’s perspective, the recap of the messages at the end of the interview are generally better, and delivered in a real human voice.

What’s a PR person to do?

These are interesting times in the world of public relations, and the business of spokesperson “grooming.”  The demand for authenticity and transparency is on the rise.  But so is the demand for killer press hits in an increasingly tight media landscape.

On one hand, corporate communications people are tasked with creating a level of consistency across dozens of spokespeople – no small feat.  On the other hand, reporters aren’t interested in talking with a bunch of clones.  So where does that leave us?

While having a consistent set of messages is crucial to a tight corporate message, there needs to be more of a focus on helping spokespeople to be themselves in interviews.  We need to encourage everyone to sing the same song, but in their own voices.  Cheesy? Yes, but also true.

But what does that really mean in the tactical sense?

For Spokespeople: No more showing up to a “prep” session with the statement, “OK, so tell me what to say.”  You have to work with your PR team to co-author the key messages, and make them your own.  By simply regurgitating someone else’s sound bites, you almost guarantee a flat, totally unconvincing interview.

For the Corporate Communications Team: Now is the time to cultivate a slightly different skill set than just key message development and the ability to give good guidance around what a reporter is looking for.  Begin to develop a sensitivity and sensibility around your spokespeople’s strengths, or where their fears lie.  Learn to bring out the best in your spokespeople, and guide them by giving them sound, honest, and compassionate feedback.  This does not mean spoon feeding pre-fab messaging to overtaxed executives.    It means helping people cope with and eventually lose their bad habits as they talk to influencers like Chris O’Brien.

While it may sound exhausting, it’s actually a win/win.  With a spokesperson who is encouraged to be themselves, having made the messages his or her own, the centralized corp comms team knows the messages are shining through, and the press gets to speak with actual human beings.

Is Media Training Really Just a Game?

I had a very interesting conversation recently with someone who had worked with a media coach who “knew how to play the game… and knew all of the tricks” in working with the press.  He and I both bristled at this approach.  Is there a game to media interviews? I suppose you could see it that way.  Are there “tricks” to be mastered? Sure, there are some helpful techniques.  But ultimately, this “cheating the game” approach to interactions with the press fails to honor what is ACTUALLY happening in a press conversation – two people trying to get their very valid needs met. And by treating press interviews like a game, we step out of a place of integrity and into a place of manipulation.  The result?  A crappy article, and a superficial relationship with a reporter.

Does that mean we stop teaching our spokespeople to “bridge to key messages?” Not necessarily. Does it mean we teach our executives to really listen, and empathize with what the reporter needs? Absolutely.  At the end of the day, each and every interaction with a press person is an interaction with a human being.  And the more respect, personality and authenticity we can bring to that interaction, the better.

To end the interview, I asked Chris what he wished spokespeople knew before getting on the phone with him:

“Honestly? Just be yourself. That’s all I ask.”

Amen.

Let’s see how he did.

1) Express believable self-awareness. I give Tiger Woods high marks on expressing believable regret and embarrassment, but self awareness? Not sure about that.  His explanation of his own sense of entitlement was helpful, but it lacked resonance.  I’m not saying he should make up false reasons (reminds me of when I was a kid and used to invent sins to confess to the priest, just to satisfy him). But his statement lacked intimacy.  If you are appealing to a mass audience, and trying to crawl your way back into their hearts and minds, you have to infuse every statement with very real emotion, and paint a vivid picture.  “I worked hard, and felt I was entitled” didn’t do it for me.  This statement would have been perfect if he was talking about a shopping addiction.  It doesn’t work for a problem of extreme infidelity.  The correct response probably lives one layer beneath that one –How does “working hard” equate to serial infidelity?

2) Make us see a little bit of ourselves. I would love to know your thoughts on this, but I didn’t feel a connection to him at all, on any level during this statement. In fact, his explanation triggered even more judgment from me, I’m ashamed to admit.  Apologies are tricky business, and ultimately have to tap a sense of empathy in the listener without asking them to do any extra work.  We all commit sins on a daily basis (envy, greed, sloth, lust), it shouldn’t be that hard to make his transgressions feel personally familiar on some level.  But somehow he missed it.

3) Remind us of how much we love golf BECAUSE of Tiger Woods, without actually coming out and saying it.  I am most disappointed about this piece of the apology.  As the daughter of a devoted golfer, I was hungry for that moment of “I can’t wait to finally have this behind us, and see him back on the golf course.”  That moment never came.

4) He needs to mean every word he says. Here, I actually give him good marks. I think this is a man who was VERY involved in writing his own statement (how else can you explain the strange flow of it, the clunky organization?).  What the statement DIDN’T lack was real emotion and feeling.  That was as raw a Tiger Woods as I’ve ever seen.

The reference to Buddhism and how it will help him on his journey to recovery was interesting, though I didn’t entirely understand it.  But I do think it added some much needed depth to the statement.  Ultimately, I question whether this statement came too soon in his recovery. If it wasn’t meant to signal his return to golf, what was it signaling?
My hope is that Tiger Woods seizes this opportunity, and becomes a more three dimensional personality in the public eye. We’re seeing signs of life, but he’s still got a long way to go.

Like a sports analyst giving pre-game commentary, here’s my take:  His statement needs to do four things:  1) Express believable self awareness.  It has to be real, maybe even a little bit raw.  2) Make us see a little bit of ourselves in his description of his fall from grace. 3) Remind us of how much we love golf BECAUSE of Tiger Woods, without actually coming out and saying it.  4) He needs to mean every word he says.  If this is lip service or an acting job, it’ll fall flat. Falling flat probably won’t hurt his golfing career, but he’ll lose the hearts and minds battle (which means loss of endorsements, ultimately).

I thought it would be fascinating (morbidly perhaps) to draft MY version of what Tiger should say during that press conference.  Just so we’re clear: Tiger Woods is not my client. I don’t have any connection to him whatsoever.

Here goes:

Thanks for coming.  Given how many things in the world deserve our focus these days, I am deeply ashamed that my problems have hijacked so much of our collective attention. For this, and so many other things, I am sorry.

For the past several weeks, I have been going through what can only be described as a hellish journey of self discovery.  Anyone who has struggled with and conquered an addiction knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Like many addicts, I had successfully kept parts of my life compartmentalized, living several different lives at the same time.  It allowed me to justify disgusting behavior, and allowed me to lie to myself and others.  And for a long time, it worked.  Then of course, one tiny thread was pulled, and my entire life unraveled, taking my wife, my children and my career down with it.

Coming out of an intense period of revelation, tackling some of the darkest corners of my mind and my experiences, I can say with all honesty –I’m not “healed.” I’m not “whole.” But I’m working on it, and crawling my way out of this self-made nightmare one day at a time.

Part of my recovery and journey back to integrity is to devote myself wholly to my true loves – my wife, my children and my sport – Golf.  The matter of my family is a private one. But my love of the sport is a public one.

It is my intention to get back to the game that has given so much to me.  I grew up in the company of golfers – professional and amateur, and I crave their company and the experience of walking the green, and making contact with that ball.  I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m hoping that you – the fans and the golf community – will allow me back into the sport.

As we all now know, I’m not the role model I made myself out to be.  But maybe there’s room for a different kind of role model, one who can tackle his own terrible flaws head on, and show that it is possible to heal what has been so badly broken.

Thank you.

Now… let’s see what he actually says.  I’ll be on the edge of my seat.