Tomorrow I’ll be giving a “Power & Presence” workshop for the San Francisco Chapter of Girls In Tech.  I’ve been looking forward to this workshop for months, because the women I meet through Girls In Tech always dazzle me with their purpose and energy.  So of course, when I saw that today is International Women’s Day, I was reminded of what a privilege it is to work with these women, teaching them to be more powerful speakers!

But as I was putting together my presentation, something interesting happened.  I was searching out images to represent the word “Power,” and within a few seconds, I realized that I was seeing a visual representation of just how confused we are as a culture – a world culture – about the definition of “power.”

As you can imagine, my search pulled up mostly images of men, and when they featured women, it was in “masculine” settings:  A woman flexing her muscles.  A woman with a gun in her hand.  Or, worse yet, a woman pushing her stiletto into the back of a man who was laying face down, looking terrified.

Annoyed, but not surprised, I decided to search for some alternate key words.  This time I tried “joy,” then “collaboration” and then “enthusiasm.”  Bingo.  These images were of people (men and women) shining in their various ways.

This will be our work at tomorrow night’s event:  There is a fierce power inside each of us, and it looks a whole lot like collaboration, enthusiasm and joy.  When we tap that source each time we stand in front of an audience, magic happens.  Authenticity happens.  Generosity happens.

I truly believe that there is a new kind of power rising.  It doesn’t bully.  It doesn’t intimidate, and it doesn’t coerce.  This new power can transform a situation, and take us further than we ever dreamed possible.   And it doesn’t just belong to women.

On this, International Women’s Day, let’s celebrate those who have taught us what is possible when enthusiasm, joy and love replace doubt, pessimism, and fear.

Let us each be a light in this world today.  Shine on, you crazy diamonds.



Let’s see how he did.

1) Express believable self-awareness. I give Tiger Woods high marks on expressing believable regret and embarrassment, but self awareness? Not sure about that.  His explanation of his own sense of entitlement was helpful, but it lacked resonance.  I’m not saying he should make up false reasons (reminds me of when I was a kid and used to invent sins to confess to the priest, just to satisfy him). But his statement lacked intimacy.  If you are appealing to a mass audience, and trying to crawl your way back into their hearts and minds, you have to infuse every statement with very real emotion, and paint a vivid picture.  “I worked hard, and felt I was entitled” didn’t do it for me.  This statement would have been perfect if he was talking about a shopping addiction.  It doesn’t work for a problem of extreme infidelity.  The correct response probably lives one layer beneath that one –How does “working hard” equate to serial infidelity?

2) Make us see a little bit of ourselves. I would love to know your thoughts on this, but I didn’t feel a connection to him at all, on any level during this statement. In fact, his explanation triggered even more judgment from me, I’m ashamed to admit.  Apologies are tricky business, and ultimately have to tap a sense of empathy in the listener without asking them to do any extra work.  We all commit sins on a daily basis (envy, greed, sloth, lust), it shouldn’t be that hard to make his transgressions feel personally familiar on some level.  But somehow he missed it.

3) Remind us of how much we love golf BECAUSE of Tiger Woods, without actually coming out and saying it.  I am most disappointed about this piece of the apology.  As the daughter of a devoted golfer, I was hungry for that moment of “I can’t wait to finally have this behind us, and see him back on the golf course.”  That moment never came.

4) He needs to mean every word he says. Here, I actually give him good marks. I think this is a man who was VERY involved in writing his own statement (how else can you explain the strange flow of it, the clunky organization?).  What the statement DIDN’T lack was real emotion and feeling.  That was as raw a Tiger Woods as I’ve ever seen.

The reference to Buddhism and how it will help him on his journey to recovery was interesting, though I didn’t entirely understand it.  But I do think it added some much needed depth to the statement.  Ultimately, I question whether this statement came too soon in his recovery. If it wasn’t meant to signal his return to golf, what was it signaling?
My hope is that Tiger Woods seizes this opportunity, and becomes a more three dimensional personality in the public eye. We’re seeing signs of life, but he’s still got a long way to go.

Like a sports analyst giving pre-game commentary, here’s my take:  His statement needs to do four things:  1) Express believable self awareness.  It has to be real, maybe even a little bit raw.  2) Make us see a little bit of ourselves in his description of his fall from grace. 3) Remind us of how much we love golf BECAUSE of Tiger Woods, without actually coming out and saying it.  4) He needs to mean every word he says.  If this is lip service or an acting job, it’ll fall flat. Falling flat probably won’t hurt his golfing career, but he’ll lose the hearts and minds battle (which means loss of endorsements, ultimately).

I thought it would be fascinating (morbidly perhaps) to draft MY version of what Tiger should say during that press conference.  Just so we’re clear: Tiger Woods is not my client. I don’t have any connection to him whatsoever.

Here goes:

Thanks for coming.  Given how many things in the world deserve our focus these days, I am deeply ashamed that my problems have hijacked so much of our collective attention. For this, and so many other things, I am sorry.

For the past several weeks, I have been going through what can only be described as a hellish journey of self discovery.  Anyone who has struggled with and conquered an addiction knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Like many addicts, I had successfully kept parts of my life compartmentalized, living several different lives at the same time.  It allowed me to justify disgusting behavior, and allowed me to lie to myself and others.  And for a long time, it worked.  Then of course, one tiny thread was pulled, and my entire life unraveled, taking my wife, my children and my career down with it.

Coming out of an intense period of revelation, tackling some of the darkest corners of my mind and my experiences, I can say with all honesty –I’m not “healed.” I’m not “whole.” But I’m working on it, and crawling my way out of this self-made nightmare one day at a time.

Part of my recovery and journey back to integrity is to devote myself wholly to my true loves – my wife, my children and my sport – Golf.  The matter of my family is a private one. But my love of the sport is a public one.

It is my intention to get back to the game that has given so much to me.  I grew up in the company of golfers – professional and amateur, and I crave their company and the experience of walking the green, and making contact with that ball.  I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m hoping that you – the fans and the golf community – will allow me back into the sport.

As we all now know, I’m not the role model I made myself out to be.  But maybe there’s room for a different kind of role model, one who can tackle his own terrible flaws head on, and show that it is possible to heal what has been so badly broken.

Thank you.

Now… let’s see what he actually says.  I’ll be on the edge of my seat.

Last night I attended Inforum’s evening with legendary playwright/activist, Eve Ensler.  For those of you not familiar with her, she is a force of nature and has dedicated her life to eradicating violence against women. But most people know her as “The Vagina Lady,” thanks to her now world famous play, “The Vagina Monologues.”  Her latest work is called, “I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls Around the World.”

Because of my work with women and girls through the lens of public speaking, I had a whole slew of questions lined up for Ms. Ensler along those lines. Things like, “What is your advice for those struggling to find their own authentic voice?”  But, as I sometimes do, I get caught up in the moment, and next thing you know, I’m ignoring my prepared questions.

What hijacked me was the story “Let Me In,” from the new book.  The story reaches a crescendo when the main character, presumably a high school age girl, finally stands up to the very daunting “mean girls.”  And by “stands up” I mean “completely loses it” when they block her from sitting at the lunch table. She is exhausted by trying unsuccessfully to be “good enough” for the group, which typically means convincing her working class mother to cough up ungodly sums of money for clothing that become no longer “hot” within minutes of the purchase.  She’s exhausted by trying to figure out who at school is on the outs and should be ignored, and who she should suck up to.  As she has this moment of truth, this moment of utter social ruin, she suddenly realizes that her fate is now sealed.  She is now utterly alone.  Moments later, another young girl, an outcast – Wendy Apple – comes to her side:

“She says I have hit bottom. And that it feels terrible now. But I am lucky it has happened so young. She says she will be my friend if I can stop worrying about being popular…. She says there is another world and the door is open.”

So as I approached Ms. Ensler, I forgot all of my “professional” questions, and asked “What if you don’t have a Wendy Apple?  What if you have to take a stand, and face the chasm that opens up – by yourself?  How do I teach my daughters to speak their truths, even without a Wendy Apple to help them?”

To this, Eve Ensler replied,

“Your job is to teach your daughters to BE the Wendy Apple. To BE the friend that loves even when no one else does.”  Eve Ensler was then moved to tears, talking about the friend who inspired the Wendy character, and how she literally saved Eve Ensler’s life – simply by being there, and standing by Eve, in all of her intensity and boldness and fire.

It started me thinking about my own Wendy Apples. I have been able to take risks that I perceived as socially dangerous at various stages of my life because I knew that my Wendy Apples would love me no matter what, and would be my friends through it all.  These individuals (you know who you are) were and continue to be a tremendous help to me on my path to finding and using my own voice.

The greatest gift of my interaction with Eve Ensler was this realization: In our quest to raise the next generation of Joans of Arc, the world is also in desperate need of Wendy Apples.

Rather than state the obvious (“ill advised” doesn’t even begin to cover it), John Mayer’s off-the-cuff interview with Playboy has certainly gotten me thinking a lot about “authenticity.”  As many of you know, I’m a huge fan of authenticity, and oddly enough in this day of Reality Everything, it can be an elusive quality.

And then someone like John Mayer comes along with a very “authentic” tirade (if by “authentic” we mean “racist, sexist, and hideous”) and makes me stop and think, “was he just being himself?” Mr. Mayer, in case you are sitting around waiting for me to weigh in on your, ahem, “authenticity issue,” here is some free advice:

1. Think of each interview as a love letter to your fans. As much as your ego may tell you otherwise, interviews are not about you.  They are about connecting with your fans.  And while, yes, we are all a little obsessed with your relationships with Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson, we really aren’t interested in the level of detail you so colorfully provided (sex was like “napalm”???).  From now on, think about what REALLY serves your fans.  Don’t tell us what we think we want to know (gossip), but what we should know about you: what makes you write the songs you do, and what inspires you as an artist.  Give us THOSE messages with purity and authenticity. You’re not Paris Hilton, reliant on the paparazzi to keep you relevant.  Your music is what keeps you relevant.
2. The same social media you profess to love will TAKE YOU DOWN. I’ve got a nagging suspicion that going into your interview you thought, “Hey, this is Playboy. I’m allowed to get a little down and dirty with them.”  Newsflash: The minute that interview hit Playboy.com, it quickly became CNN.com and WhateverYourMomReads.com.  Your credibility as someone who stands for ANYTHING OTHER than heaping-amounts-of-white-girl-only-sex is pretty much shot.  Not even sure Haiti wants you raising money for them at this point.
3. Focus on your talent. Do nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, for the next 12 months but write music, and play music.  Don’t act like an idiot at a club, don’t date anyone. In fact, you might opt for just getting out of the country for a year or so.  Clear your head.  Go on a porn diet.  Better yet, go work with the world’s poorest of the poor (without cameras following you), and remember that while you’ve been trying to beat Wilt Chamberlain’s record, there have been people struggling to find enough food to eat, watching their children go to bed hungry.  Remember how blessed you are to be a well paid musician, surrounded by idiot women who will continue to fling themselves at you.

I hope this is helpful to you.  Secretly, I’m still a fan.  I still think “Daughters” may be one of the most beautiful songs ever written… insightful, simple, and true.  John Mayer, you can’t possibly be as misogynistic as you have made yourself out to be.  So get back to basics, shut up for a good long while, and we’ll see you at the Grammys in 2013.

For those who can’t watch the 4 ½ minute video above, CBS was concerned that it would offend “some people.” And by “some people,” they mean “gay people.”  If nothing else, this decision shows just how much confusion this country is feeling about sexuality.  While advertisements with scantily clad women prancing around like randy reindeer are widely accepted as traditional Super Bowl fare, a mild and HILARIOUS ad portraying an openly (if flamboyant) gay man is seen as “offensive.”  But in a post-Adam-Lambert-Getting’-His-Nasty-On world, it’s no wonder CBS played it safe.  What’s a network to do?

My recommendation?  CBS, go make some gay friends.  They’d be the first to tell you, “Don’t sweat it.”  And your mainstream beer drinking, chili eating, hetero-male audience would have gotten a real kick out of it, God bless ‘em.  And secondly, as many people echoed in the wake of Lambert’s performance, if you’re going to be outraged by overtly sexual antics on stage, you best be consistent.  So, CBS: If you’re gonna pull “Lola” you best pull all the other babes as well (sorry guys).  After all, aren’t you worried about offending ME? Women are now inching up to 50% of your audience.  I mean, I’m a c-cup at best, and I’m tired of all of the pressure.

Well, as it turns out, it really doesn’t matter at this point.  By placing a less “offensive” ad (though FAR racier) driving viewers to GoDaddy.com to see the “real” ad, GoDaddy has gotten themselves a three-fer: pre-Super Bowl buzz, a bigger traffic bump to the site during game, and the equivalent of two Super Bowl ad placements for the price of one.

And not only that, Bob nails his on-camera interview with Fox Business (aside from the distracting pen-grasping hand motions). He’s likeable in that “good ol’ boy” kinda way, and he is absolutely memorable. So memorable, in fact, that I was able to repeat nearly his ENTIRE interview to my husband… which is saying a lot since my memory is like Swiss cheese these days.  Lastly, Bob’s interview made me like the GoDaddy brand.  Tits and ass included. In fact, just watching it made me proud to be an American.  And that’s coming from a liberal, Democrat, wanna-be vegetarian feminist who typically drinks wine in the kitchen while the men watch the game.

Not only does GoDaddy win in this scenario, Madison Avenue will be pleased by Bob’s key message than rang out like tambourines on Gay Pride day – Super Bowl advertising works “in spades.”

Like all presentation coaches the world over, I am once again ruminating on Steve Jobs’ performance today as he unveiled the much anticipated iPad.  In fact, that sound you just heard was my jaw hitting the ground as I watched the iPad’s eReader demonstrated in Steve’s capable hands.  Full disclosure: I’m in a state of unbridled teenage lust over this product.  In other words, it may interfere with my ability to actually evaluate his delivery.  But here goes.

• What I loved:
  • Doing his thing. The casual, friendly, buzzword-free, yet-suitably-nerdy delivery combined with show-stopping visuals delivered once again.  Many a CEO aches to have an audience burst into applause for something they’re showing.  Steve Jobs doesn’t have to ask for it.  Putting aside the earthshattering-ness of his products for a moment, Jobs tees up his great “unveiling” moments with such precision, and with the perfect supporting visuals delivered at JUST the right moment, the audience can’t help but burst into gregarious applause.
  • Take a load off. I loved that he sat down in his chair for the demo.  This was probably necessary just given the nature of the device, but in that moment I finally understood why I would use the iPad.  Sitting on the couch, I would grab it to check something online.  Same goes for when he said, “If I want to buy movie tickets, I grab the iPad in the kitchen, and go to Fandango.”  He painted a picture  that looked eerily like my own kitchen, tapping into my own frustration of needing to just “hop online”… knowing how hideously slow my Blackberry’s browser performance is, and that my computer takes forever to fire up again (because I am STILL on a PC. Long story).
  • Killing them softly. Loved the reference to Amazon’s eReader with the statement (paraphrasing here), “Amazon has done a great job with the Kindle… we are standing on their shoulders and going further.” It left me with a pleasant “isn’t that nice!” feeling, even as Jobs was driving Excalibur right into the fleshy heart of the Kindle.
  • Pricing. When I first heard the $499 pricing, it seemed too expensive. I know, I know, I’m cheap like that. But when he couched it in the statement, “the pundits are saying it will cost $999” (again, paraphrasing), and then delivered the $499 pricing (complete with glass shattering sound and visuals), I immediately changed my tune, and thought, “It wouldn’t be that bad to camp out in front of the Apple store, would it?”
  • Getting stronger. He was also decidedly more cheerful this go around.  There was a much different energy on stage.  You can tell that Steve Job simply feels better, stronger since the Nano unveiling in September.

• What I would have liked to see more/less of:
  • It’s hard to criticize Jobs’ delivery.  Many people tease him for the “amazing”s, the “phenomenal”s, but I still like them.  It’s how we talk, and I appreciate that he speaks like a human being.  But if pushed to choose something, I would say this: I could have done with one less website demo, and instead, I would have liked to have seen a demo of what it’s like to present in Keynote, or how a Word or Excel document feels on an iPad. I know this device isn’t meant to replace a laptop, but man… if I could take an iPad with me through the security line at an airport, and leave my laptop at home… that would make my heart feel SUPER HAPPY! (for those of you with young children, you will note the Kai Lan reference;).

At the end of the day, when you have products as visually arresting, and as fantastic as Apple’s, the script practically writes itself. But once again, Steve Jobs shows us his mastery of simplicity, restraint, and his keen understanding of what we all want to know, see and feel.

Also, I wanted to address a very good question that came up during a one-on-one interaction I had during the breakout sessions.  Someone asked, “how do we make a simple progress update interesting, when it’s a bunch of engineers sitting at the table? They don’t want pretty pictures.”  (I may be paraphrasing here, but that was the gist of the question).

My answer is this:  Good for you, for knowing what your audience doesn’t want!  Remember, the single most important piece of advice I have for presenters is this:  If you do nothing else, be of service to your audience. Meet their needs, whatever you do.  If your audience needs a brief, concise, easy-to-remember description of what your team is up to, then give them exactly that.  Sometimes the biggest gift we can give to an audience is the gift of their time. Just because an hour has been scheduled for a meeting, doesn’t mean we need to use it.

Ultimately, the trick is to meet the audience’s needs, and help them to remember what you’ve said. Sometimes that requires dazzling images that strike an emotional chord; sometimes it requires cutting to the chase as soon as humanly possible.  If you don’t know what they want, ask.  If they don’t tell you, go with your instincts, and clarify as you go… “is this what you were interested in hearing?”  I hope that helps clarify a bit!

Without further ado, below are the key points, and also below are links to some great resources for those who want to go deeper into their presentation skill development.

Thank you again, for giving me so much of your time and attention. And PLEASE share your stories with me… are the tips helpful? Did they make a difference?  My email is Bronwyn@bronwyncommunications.com.

Have fun and as my old boss, Chris Locchead, used to say, “Knock ‘em alive!”

B

***

Most presentations are… forgettable.  Why?

• Because we turn them into “Word Documents” with pretty shapes and colors.
• They become “CYA” documents.
• We don’t have time to think creatively.
• We are only thinking about “what I want to say” and not “what does the audience need.”

5 rules for changing the game.

1.  Honor how the mind works.

• Relevance – we need to know as an audience, almost instantly, how the information is relevant to us.  How does it make our jobs easier? How does it make us smarter?  If the person talking doesn’t establish this quickly and effectively, we tune out.  Sound familiar? Most meetings drive us batty because within a few seconds, we sense very little relevance.
• Visuals – remember, VISION trumps all of the other senses.  Think about how that impacts the way you present. And remember, visuals can be created by painting pictures with language.
• Novelty – resist the temptation to use tired, cliché images and metaphors.  We tune into things that are unexpected.  Make your presentations a “hand shake”-free zone when it comes to images implying “partnership.”  Kill the “light bulb” image for “new idea!” J
• Emotion – to quote John Medina in his book, Brian Rules, “the brain remembers the emotional components of an experience better than any other aspect.”  Don’t be afraid to use emotion as a means to imprint a message – are you trying to inspire? Excite? Terrify? (Nancy, that one’s for you;)
• Repetition – don’t forget to hit on your key points, and repeat them. This has a powerful impact on our ability to retain new information.

2. Ask the right questions:

• Remember… first, walk away from that computer!  Turn off that cell phone!  Create a “beginner’s mind” for yourself, if even for only a few minutes.  It will help you approach the information from a place of empathy for your audience who may not be as intimately acquainted with your topic.
• What do I want them to feel?  Do? Remember?
• What kind of experience do they need to have, given the goals above?

3.  Practice restraint – not every experience is a PPT presentation.  Remember, honor the needs of your audience FIRST. Practice using fewer words – embrace the power of the pause!

4.  Be yourself – people don’t connect to speakers who come across as cold, untouchable, and intimidating.  (If you’re saying to yourself, “what if I AM cold and intimidating?” To you I say: the real YOU is neither of those things. Your coping mechanism may be to put up that kind of front, but that’s not the real you.  Take a risk. Show us who you really are.)

5.  Listen – watch your audience closely, and notice where you lose them, or notice where they’re engaged. Connect and check in frequently to suggest interaction and discussion.  Encourage interaction.  There is no greater compliment than audience participation (within reason of course.  Don’t let people take you into off on tangents that leave the realm of “relevance.”  Gently say, “That’s an important point, and we can discuss that offline.  For today’s purposes, I’d like to focus on X.”)

Resources:

• Brain Rules, John Medina – I’m obsessed with what the brain can do, and how it learns. As the USA Today reported, “the words literally jump off the page.”
• Creative Commons, Flickr – Free photos, attribution required for most
• iStockphoto – very reasonably priced images, and gorgeous quality.
• A Whole New Mind: Moving From the Information Age to the Conceptual Age – a fascinating book written by Daniel Pink, who is a FANTASTIC speaker. In fact, here’s a clip from him presenting at TED.  This is one of my new favorite TED talks, and a great one to watch while you’re scarfing down lunch someday.
• Slide:ology, Duarte Design’s Blog – the BIBLE of slide design.
• Presentation Zen, Garr Reynolds – one of the best books on presentation that exist, and his blog is just as good.
• Ted Conference Website and Blog – anytime you’re presenting, this is a treasure trove of inspiration.  HERE are Ted’s “Commandments,” which lays out their basic rules for every presenter.
• Logic+Emotion, David Armano – just a great blog on design, digital, social web, all kinds of fun topics.
• Inside the Actors Studio – sometimes this is a great thing to tap into… reminds us of how people outside of our industry think.
• This American Life – by far, hands down, the all time greatest “story telling” show that exists today. It’s on NPR, I get it via podcast, and it blows me away each and ever episode. You will come to adore Ira Glass. Whenever I get stuck with dry content, I always ask myself, “what would Ira Glass do with it?”  This invariably leads me in the right direction.
• WorldPulse, Global Issues through the Eyes of Women – a gorgeous collection of stories gathered from the furthest reaches of the world, through the eyes of women.

In fact, it was prompted by this week’s People cover story on Heidi Montag.  When I saw this, my heart literally ached, and I immediately thought to myself, “…and we lose another young woman to the lie.”  I truly believe that Vanity is the evil arch rival of Purpose.  I’m not talking about feeling good about yourself, and taking care of your appearance (ahem, my hair appointment is at 2pm), but the wasting of precious time and talent in this one life we’ve been given.

In my work, I get the opportunity to help women reclaim their voices through public presence workshops.  One of the key pieces of the program that Kristine Schaeffer and I have developed is when we talk about aligning each woman’s personal “purpose” with her professional “purpose.”  I am almost always humbled and THRILLED by the talents, passions, and plans of the women I meet.

And then I see a story like Heidi’s, and I start to lose hope – these images wrap around our young women like cellophane, and there is no escaping them.  But then I remember something I read in Mary Pipher’s groundbreaking “Reviving Ophelia,” about her work with depressed, troubled young girls.

“So much time has been wasted pretending to be who others wanted…  But also, there’s a new energy that comes from making connections, from choosing awareness over denial and from the telling of secrets.  We work now, 20 years behind schedule.  We reestablish each woman as the subject of her life, not as the object of others’ lives.”

To any of you young women out there, or to any who interact with young women, remember this:  Your life is worth something of incalculable value, and it has very little to do with what you look like.  You have never happened before, nor will you ever happen again in the course of history.

So, as Mary Oliver so beautifully said, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

1) It’s clearly written. People sometimes take a perfectly good sentiment and turn it into a steaming pile of legalese, and lose all credibility (and frankly readability).

2) It’s real. It embodies all of the things we profess to love – it’s transparent, accessible and authentic to the core.  I especially appreciated the “hair” apology at the end… always nice to surprise a reader who makes it through to the end of your posting.

3) It influenced my thinking. Because of his very clear, thoughtful argument, I came away with a very strong  opinion about NBC’s decision.  This is shocking mostly because a) I never watch Late Night TV unless a client is appearing and b) I’ve never really watched Conan, aside from the occasional YouTube posting sent my way.

So, to Conan O’Brian, be prepared to see your tale retold in PR and marketing trade rags all year long, as an exemplary citizen of New Media and Transparency.  In fact, I also predict you will make it into the little side bar in Vanity Fair that shows whose star has risen and fallen in recent months.  Kudos. You did good, and I’m rooting for you from the sidelines. GIVE ‘EM HELL CONAN.