Hi Friend,
The other day, I was in conversation with a few humans, and a moment came in which I felt the VERY strong urge to offer my opinion. It turns out I love offering my opinion. I love knowing that I have something to offer… that there is some benefit to aging … I knowthings.
But just as I began to open my mouth, I sensed that my urge to opine might be (at least in this particular moment) counterproductive. It might be just another manifestation of my need to control. My need to be right. My need to feel useful.
I took a deep breath in through my nose and just listened. I watched the facial expressions of the humans in conversation. I listened to the tone of voice, the emotion nestled just under the words. It was humans humaning, and the speaker was processing an experience by re-telling the story of it. She wasn’t looking for advice or opinions. She was workin’ sh*t out.
When her story ended, she seemed lighter. More grounded.
It was a humbling reminder that my own need to feel useful and important can sometimes overshadow another human being’s opportunity to process.
Your thought experiment this week is to catch yourself before you offer an unasked for piece of advice.
Instead, make an offering of presence. Of a listening ear. Of a gently probing question. Be willing to simply stand in the space of someone else’s experience. And see what happens.
Shine on, my friend.
B
